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With her no-holds barred storytelling, Silke Kaiser takes you down the rabbit hole of Sex with Sociopaths: a devastating and compelling recount of a tragic childhood, a deeply troubled adolescence and an adulthood fraught with loss, insecurity, heart breaking family ties and an addictive attraction to unhealthy relationships with narcissists and sociopaths that is impossible to escape. Sex with Sociopaths is as stunning as it is gut-wrenching, and paints a disturbing but honest picture of how our childhood memories can become monsters that can no longer hide in the closet.
Excerpts from the book:
"No." I said. "It will never work." To soften what I was saying, I added, "You are a priest and I must respect that. I must respect God and Jesus." Somewhere, an angel surely said, "I call bullshit." The priest, as I could have predicted, was furious. He was not used to being told "no." If he could have told me to go fuck myself, he would have done so, but this Catholic Priest does not swear. He just breaks his vow of abstinence and shows a devout face to a fawning congregation. His anger gave me an excuse to stand up and leave. Even for this man, I had paid a price.
"And yet. If he were to cross my path in all his testosterone bigness, with his biceps that promise protection, his strong chest that promises comfort, his legs that promise that they can carry me, and if he were to say to me, "Come," would I furrow my brow and then pack up my life and follow him?
Would I allow him to chain me to the basement that is him, and wait for the love bombs whilst slipping and sliding in his filth, hanging on desperately to survive?
Would I willingly give him my light, so that he can extinguish me with his darkness?
Would I serve my master like a drug addict servers her drug?
Because yes. I know I a heroin high. Be God and by Satan, I know it well. Yet, I have never knowingly been in the presence of heroin.
With the sociopaths, I lived life at full throttle. I roared with anxiety, lost weight, was flung so high when they smiled upon me, giving up everything when they took their smile, their walk, their beards, their ways, and their hollowness away, just so that I could have that smile again.
An outsider might say that I live a full life. With the sociopaths gone, I will forever more feel as if I am living life on a low rev.
The memory of the highs are just a breath away.
One breath away.